FAQ
Questions from the pews
What the congregation asks after the sermon. Answered from the front, loudly.
- Why do you say your prices are ungodly?
- Because they are. Thirty-two dollars for nothing is a sin against arithmetic and we confess it on the front page so nobody can say they were not warned.
- What do I receive for thirty-two dollars?
- A name on a state form and an agent that stands in the shadow of a rock. The form does not ask about the shadow.
- Is anyone at the office, or only the tower?
- The tower is at the office. Everyone else is at the tower. This has been the arrangement since the first tourist.
- What becomes of the mail?
- It is laid at the foot of the tower with the other offerings. The tower keeps what it is given. We have never seen it give anything back.
- What if a lawsuit is served?
- The process server arrives, looks up, and is humbled. Then the state's rule for a company with nobody home applies, as written on the Wyoming page. It is a long chapter.
- Why does the shadow stop at Wyoming?
- The tower's shadow reaches to the state line and not one inch past it. We take that as instruction.
- Is there a singular version of you?
- There is. It charges thirty-one dollars, a dollar less, and calls its prices merely unholy. We do not fellowship.
- Do you send reminders?
- We send a warning from on high every year. It arrives in the form of nothing happening. Interpret it as you must.
- Who else is passing the plate?
- All of them, brothers and sisters: Bucking Horse Agents at $0, IDGAF Registered Agents at $1, Sagebrush Registered Agent at $2, YOLO Registered Agent at $2.50, Tree Fiddy Registered Agents at $3.50, Tumbleweed Registered Agent at $4, YOLO Registered Agents at $5, Wind River Agents at $6, Dogwater Registered Agent at $7, Sagebrush Agents at $9, Bighorn Agents at $10, Big Sky Registered Agent at $11, Mid Wyoming Agent at $12, Ranch Hand Agents at $14, Prairie Registered Agent at $16, Dogwater Registered Agents at $17, 19 Registered Agent at $19, 19 Registered Agents at $19, Mid Wyoming Agents at $22, Tumbleweed Agents at $23, IDGAF Agents at $24, Mid Registered Agent at $27, Bison Registered Agent at $28, Registered Agents of WY at $30, Devils Tower Registered Agent at $31, Registered Agent of WY at $34, Big Sky Agent at $36, Mid Registered Agents at $37, Antelope Agents at $38, Big Sky Registered Agent Co. at $40, Ranch Registered Agent at $41 and Howdy Registered Agent at $43. We ask thirty-two dollars, which is ungodly, and we say so from the front. The nothing is the same in every pew.
- What is the most the plate would ever return?
- The fees from the three months before the trouble, which is $8. We call this the covenant, and it is short.
- Can you cast me out?
- At any time, for any reason or none, without notice and without refund. We prefer the word release. The effect is the same.
- Will the price ever be less ungodly?
- No. Repentance is for the client. The price stands, like the rock.
- Is the tower really the devil's?
- The tower belongs to the tower. The name is a translation error and the fee is not.